The World in Grey
by hermionesmydawg
Summary: After the events in Afghanistan, Deeks chooses to quit NCIS and LAPD in favor of returning to the Public Defender's office. Meanwhile, the NCIS team at OSP is still trying to track down the mole in NCIS.
1. Lost Under the Surface

This will almost certainly end up being AU, but that's fine by me. There will most likely be either 3 or 4 parts to this story. Thanks to aprylynn and ifiknowyouatall (and classof7teen).

I don't own any of these characters. If I did, I would make them happy.

* * *

**_Afghanistan, April 2014_**

_"Is this it?" Deeks whispered, adjusting his automatic weapon under his thawb._

_"Yeah, but it looks too quiet," Callen answered._

_Sam interjected. "He's going to look for someplace inconspicuous to hide. Unless it's a trap, I think the GPS is right."_

_The building was small and poorly built, like so many others they'd seen on their Humvee ride in the desert. Nothing stood out about it except it being the GPS location of the NCIS mole that Kensi had flushed out of their base camp and then subsequently lost; but he didn't disappear before taking out two of the agents at their camp. Hetty got the call from Granger, and the three men were on the next plane out to Afghanistan._

_Kensi still had her mission: kill the White Ghost. The reunion with her old team was brief; time was of the essence. She and Deeks had exchanged smiles and a gentle brush of fingers while being briefed on their assignments and locations of their targets._

_"Sam, you got the back. I'll go in the front. Deeks, can you fit through that cracked window?"_

_Deeks rolled his eyes. "I always get stuck with the windows."_

_Counting to three with his fingers, Callen signaled his team to enter the building. Deeks used his weapon to break out the remainder of the broken glass from the window and climbed in carefully. Blinking to adjust his eyes to the relative darkness of his room, he surveyed his surroundings. There was one table with maps and documents, another table with various weapons and grenades, and a few folding chairs. Movement behind one of the chairs startled him and he raised his rifle. "Don't move."_

_No response. He gulped and walked over to the chair cautiously. What he saw made him stomach drop as fast as his weapon. "No no no no no…"_

_Kensi was lying on the cold floor, bloody hands covering a wound in her abdomen. "Kens, Kensi, oh God oh God…" Deeks muttered as he dropped to his knees. He ran his hand over her face and she leaned into him but didn't open her eyes. "Can you hear me? Shit, we don't have comms…Kens, just nod if you can hear me."_

_She nodded slowly, grimacing as she tried to move. Deeks removed his keffiyeh and started applying pressure to her wound. "Shot?" She nodded. "Is he gone?" She nodded again. "Sam! Callen! In here now!"_

_"I killed him," Kensi whispered._

_"You killed who?"_

_"The White Ghost," she said, whimpering. "I completed my mission."_

_"No no, Kens, mission not over. The mission is going back home, remember? You, me, Monty, beers on the couch and stupid movies," Deeks said weakly, hands still on her gunshot wound. Sam and Callen barged in to the room simultaneously, guns up. Deeks looked at them and looked back at Kensi._

_"How bad?" Sam asked._

_"Could be worse," Deeks replied. "She's conscious, at least. We need to get her out of here _now_."_

_Callen and Sam exchanged a concerned look. "Deeks…"_

_"No."_

_"We can call and send somebody out here…"_

_"No."_

_"Deeks," Callen said as gently as he could. "We still have a mission."_

_"I don't care about the goddamn mission, I am not leaving her!" Deeks shouted, voice cracking. He leaned down close to Kensi's face. "I'm not leaving okay? We're walking out of here together, even if I have to carry you myself."_

_Kensi barely opened her eyes, and he could see tears in her eyes as she shook her head. "Go."_

_Deeks could feel his head start to spin and he thought he was about to throw up. All he could see was blood and tears and dirt; suddenly his mind was spinning out of control and he was back in the auto body shop, covered in his own blood and tears. He remembered Kensi coming to save him, only to leave alone and in anguish. Easing up on the pressure he was holding on her abdomen, he ducked his head to try to gather himself together._

_"We're running out of time, Deeks," Callen urged. "We'll send somebody to come get her."_

_Panicking, he stood up and pulled out his pistol, aiming it at his team leader. "Please," he begged, his bloody hand and bloody pistol trembling._

_"Pull yourself together, Deeks," Sam warned, holding a hand up. "You're not doing her any good right now."_

_"At what point do we stop being partners and friends and whatever the hell else we are to each other, and start being robots that only care about our 'mission'?" Deeks pointed his free hand at Kensi. "This is your _friend_." He looked pleadingly at Sam._

_Sam sighed and shook his head, leaning down by Kensi's head. "Come on G."_

_"What?" Callen looked at him, incredulously. _

_"The mole is gone," Sam said pointedly, lifting Kensi up under her arms. "We lost him."_

_Callen scrunched his face, looking at Deeks again before sighing and bending down to grab her feet. "Yeah. I guess we did."_

_Still shaking, Deeks holstered his pistol and picked up the bloody keffiyeh from the floor, applying pressure again as they carried Kensi back to safety. "I'm sorry, man…I just, I don't even know."_

* * *

**Los Angeles, September 2014**

First impressions are everything. _Like this desk,_ Marty Deeks thought. _It's made out of particleboard. Couldn't even afford walnut? Or cherry? This is an office for Christ's sake. _He knocked on the desk and thought he was going to get a splinter. Turning his nose up, he spun around in his squeaky office chair to look out the window.

"Damn. Why did I think there would be a window?"

"Gotten spoiled, have we?"

Deeks startled and his chair creaked. Spinning back around, he addressed his new boss. "Oh, hey Evie. Uh, long time no see." He eyed her up and down appreciatively. "You've aged very well, ma'am."

Evelyn Daly, Evie for short, looked at him with an amused look on her face. "Nice to see that some things don't change. Except your hair. What is that look, homeless chic meets surfer sensation?"

Deeks chuckled. "Good to see you too. And my hair was long before. Just maybe not," he gestured towards his mane, "this long. Is it going to be a problem?"

"A haircut wouldn't hurt," she said apologetically. "Out with the old, in with the…older?" Evie handed him a file. "You sure about this?"

"I'll have to knock the rust off, but I'm cool," he responded cautiously. "I'm guessing this is my case?"

Evie nodded. "Raul Trujillo, 22 years old. Charges are attempted murder. We're hoping they'll offer a plea of attempted manslaughter and that he'll accept. Pretty cut and dry."

"Alright. Is he in jail now?"

"Please," Evie scoffed. "Do you have any idea how backlogged the DA is? He's been out for a year."

Deeks nodded and pulled out his phone to put his new client's address in his GPS. He paused momentarily, looking at his background picture of Kensi that he couldn't bring himself to change. Sighing, he opened up his GPS application. "I guess I'll be paying Mr. Trujillo a visit today."

Evelyn winked at him. "Good luck Marty. And welcome back to LA County's Public Defender office."

* * *

"All I'm saying is, G," Sam joked as he walked side by side with his partner, "there are lots of fish in the sea."

"I don't like fishing," Callen responded.

Sam paused. "It's a metaphor."

"I don't like metaphors anymore either."

Sam sat down at his desk and rolled his eyes. "Alright, that's okay, I'll just stop trying."

"Thank you."

"What do you think Kensi?"

Kensi glanced up from her paperwork. "I don't like fishing either."

Callen scowled at her. "Since when? You love anything to do with water."

"Since I'm just over it, okay?" Kensi replied sharply.

Callen and Sam exchanged a knowing look. Sam opened his mouth to respond to her but was distracted by white noise coming from up the stairs. He glanced up at Eric, who was holding his cellphone over the ledge. "Ocean sounds, Eric? You trying to put us to sleep?"

Eric shrugged. "We may have caught a big one."

Sam groaned and Callen chuckled as they took the steps two at a time up to Ops. Kensi followed behind quietly.

"Good morning," Nell greeted everybody as they entered. "We may have a lead on our missing mole, John Booker." She pulled a video up on the screen of two men arguing in the corner of a gas station parking lot. One man pushed the other, and the second man pulled out a knife and stabbed him in retaliation before getting into a car and driving off.

Nell paused the video. "Facial rec says the stabber is Booker. His victim is a San Diego NCIS agent, Jeb Williams. He died at the hospital, and he's the reason LAPD turned this case over to us. Booker ran off with Williams' car. We have a BOLO out on it but nothing so far."

Kensi pursed her lips. "Rewind the video for a second?" Nell scrolled back the video feed. "Stop. There. You see that guy at the pump?" She paused the video and zoomed in on a young man pumping gas. She played the video again. When Booker jumped in his car, the man rushed over to check on Agent Williams, speaking to him.

"We have a witness. He might have overheard the argument, or Agent Williams might have told him something, trying to get help," Sam said.

"It's a possibility," Callen agreed. "Facial rec on him, Nell?"

"Running as we speak."

Eric spoke up. "Isn't this the part where one of you asks how an NCIS Tech Specialist went from basically doing my job, to killing people and avoiding being caught by the best agents we have?"

Everyone exchanged glances. "Keep an eye on him, Nell," Callen joked.

Kensi quietly backed out of Ops and snuck back down to her desk. She'd almost made it when she heard Hetty beckoning her over to her desk. "Miss Blye? Could I speak with you for a minute please?" She sighed and dragged her feet over to Hetty's office space. Hetty nodded to one of the empty chairs, signaling her to sit down.

Crossing her hands together, Hetty leaned on her desk. "How are we doing, dear?"

Kensi shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Ah."

Sighing, Kensi slouched in the chair. "What do you want me to say?" Hetty didn't respond. "I'm ready to get this bastard, that's how I'm doing."

Hetty nodded. "Hmm hmm. But how is your heart?"

"I'm in the best shape of my life, Hetty. I'm running, doing cross-fit…"

Hetty smirked, and Kensi raised her eyebrows at her. "What?"

"Do you believe in fate, Miss Blye?"

"I believe in what I can control, Hetty."

"I see." She took a sip of her tea. "Have you spoken to Mr. Deeks lately?"

"No."

"Have you tried calling him?"

"No."

"Has he tried contacting you?" Kensi remained silent and diverted her eyes.

"Kensi!"Callen called, trotting down the stairs. "We got a facial rec on the witness. I need you and Sam to find him and bring him to the boatshed."

Kensi stood up from her chair and started walking away. "Duty calls."

"You should call your partner, Miss Blye," Hetty spoke softly.

Turning back around, Kensi offered a weak smile. "He left me, Hetty. I don't have a partner anymore."


	2. One Step Closer

I still don't own anything. Thanks for all the feedback on part 1. :) And thanks to aprylynn and ifiknowyouatall for the encouragement and nitpicking. :)

* * *

**_Los Angeles, June 2014_**

_Deeks emptied his clip and reloaded a full magazine, taking aim at his target and firing rapidly. Admiring his bullet placement, he briefly allowed himself a smile before turning around to face the eyes he knew were staring at him through the door. He put his gun down, removed his ear protection, and Kensi burst through the door._

_"What the hell was that?" Kensi asked, crossing her arms over her chest._

_"I don't know what you're talking about," Deeks responded, mimicking her stance._

_She stared at him, incredulous. "You just called me out in front of everybody up in Ops!"_

_Deeks pursed his lips. "It was for your own good."_

_"My own good? Since when do you get to decide what's the best for me?"_

_"Somebody has to."_

_Kensi scrunched her face up and opened her mouth to speak, but Deeks held a hand up to stop her. "Don't even. Look, Kensi, I want this son of a bitch dead as much as you do, especially after what he did to you, but it's not worth losing you in the process."_

_She glared at him, arms still crossed. "Are you questioning my judgment?"_

_"Among other things, yes."_

_"Oh, I can not _wait_ to hear this."_

_Deeks sighed. "It's too personal for you. I don't think you're ready to be back on this case, Kens. There are days I don't even think you're ready to be back at work, period."_

_Kensi scoffed at him. "That's ridiculous. I was cleared, passed all my physicals."_

_"You know what I mean."_

_"Yeah, you're really one to talk, Deeks. You couldn't even shoot a gun for two weeks after you came back, and then you became so reckless…" her voice trailed off and she diverted her eyes away from his._

_"Yeah, I _am_ really one to talk," he said softly. "But I admit that I have a problem, and I'm getting help for it."_

_"I don't have PTSD, Deeks."_

_"Maybe not, but it wouldn't hurt…"_

_"There is nothing wrong, Deeks!" Kensi shouted, straightening her arms by her side._

_Deeks laughed angrily. "No of course not, besides the obvious anger issues, but you had that before you almost died in the desert."_

_"Me? _You_, you pulled a gun on Callen, our team leader. And you think I have problems…"_

_"That's a low blow, Kensi. I went to a very dark place that day. And you of all people have no room to judge me about that."_

_"Oh please, I have never done anything as unprofessional…"_

_Deeks slammed his fist on the counter. "You _punched_ me in my _face_ less than twelve hours after we slept together!" Deeks screamed at her, and she stared at him in disbelief. He had never raised his voice like that to her before. Leaning against the counter, he closed his eyes and lowered his head for a minute before looking at her again. "At least I had the decency to apologize for what I did. You're too selfish to even see that you didn't."_

_Kensi swallowed, holding back tears. "Selfish?"_

_"Yes. I'm still waiting for the day that you actually choose me over the job, Kensi. And based on how you're acting with this Booker case, I don't see that happening anytime soon." He unloaded his gun, sticking his magazine in his pocket and his gun in his holster before turning his back on her to leave._

_"Deeks, please, wait," she grabbed his bicep. "I'm sorry."_

_He stopped and gritted his teeth. Pivoting his body so he could look in her eyes, he grabbed her chin, kissed her softly on the forehead and walked away._

* * *

**Los Angeles, September 2014**

Knocking on the door of Raul Trujillo's house, Deeks took a minute to familiarize himself with the Westlake neighborhood his new client lived in. The area was low-income, but clean and quiet. He knew that he was not in a "safe" area of Los Angeles by any means, and was thankful that he still had a concealed carry permit. Rocking back on his heels, he contemplated knocking again when the door opened just a crack.

A small head peered through the crack in the door. "Hi," Deeks said. "Um, are you here all by yourself?" The little girl shook her head no. "Is there a Raul that lives here?" The little girl shook her head yes. "May I speak with him?" She slammed the door shut. Deeks pursed his lips and scratched his head. He raised his fist to knock again but was stopped by a short, young, Latino man opening the door.

"Can I help you?"

"Raul?" Deeks asked. The young man nodded, and Deeks held his hand out. "Marty Deeks. I'm going to be representing you in your upcoming trial."

Raul looked Deeks up and down with a confused look on his face. "Yeah right."

Deeks pulled his hand back. "I'm sorry?"

"Sorry man, but you don't look like any lawyer I've ever seen," Raul said, laughing.

"Thanks," Deeks replied, rolling his eyes. "Sorry, I left my 'Marty Deeks, Esquire' business cards in my other pants. Is it the hair? I know it's not the suit."

Raul smiled and stuck his hand out, which Deeks grabbed and shook. "Raul Trujillo. Nice to meet you Mr. Deeks." He gestured for him to enter his home.

"Thanks, but you can call me Marty." He followed Raul into his kitchen and sat down at the wooden table by the back door. Raul sat across from him, folding his hands in his lap. "So uh, tell me about yourself."

"Not much to tell really. I've lived in this house my whole life with my grandmother. I have two younger sisters. I work 2 jobs, as a busboy, because I support everybody." Raul shrugged his shoulders.

Deeks nodded. "Okay. What about the reason that I'm here? I mean, I've read the file on it, but I want to hear what you have to say."

Raul scowled. "This dude, he tried to rape my teenage sister. And I don't know man, I just lost it and I shot him. Stupid. I've never been in trouble before, I swear. I take my grandmother to church every Sunday, I try to be a good, you know, mentor for these kids in this neighborhood but…" He shook his head. "I'm willing to do my time. I just worry about my family, ya know? I screwed up, Marty."

"Yeah. It happens." Deeks said, offering a smile. "I'll do my best to…" but knocking at the door interrupted him. Raul stood up from the table, and the person on the other side of the door knocked again.

"Federal agents, we need to speak with you."

Deeks immediately recognized the voice on the other side of the door. "You have got to be freaking kidding me," he muttered under his breath. "I thought you said you stayed out of trouble?"

"Dude, I swear, I don't know what they want."

Raul walked to the front door and opened it while Deeks stayed back to listen from the kitchen. Sam and Kensi stood outside the door with their badges pulled. "Raul Trujillo?" He nodded. "I'm Special Agent Sam Hanna, this is Special Agent Kensi Blye. We'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No," Kensi said quickly. "We think you might have witnessed a crime, and would like to get a statement from you, if you can remember anything. There was a stabbing at a gas station on West Temple a couple of nights ago, were you there?"

"Yeah, I called the cops. How did you know it was me?"

"Surveillance video, we matched your face with your mugshot," Sam responded.

"Oh. I can try to help. But no offense, it's not like it's a rare thing to see somebody get stabbed around here."

Kensi furrowed her brow. "Okay. Would you mind coming with us, so we can get an official statement?"

Raul shrugged. "I guess that's cool. I need to be back by 6:00 though, I have to help my sisters with their homework."

Sam smiled. "I think we can manage that."

"Oh hey, um, can I bring my lawyer, just in case?" Raul asked.

"Shit," Deeks hissed.

"Um, yeah, I guess?" Kensi said, confused. "We can give him a call for you and tell him where to meet us."

Deeks sighed and walked out of the kitchen. "Don't bother. I know the way."

Kensi stared at him dumbfounded. Sam grinned widely. "Deeks. Come here, man." Deeks returned his smile and approached his former teammate. Sam pulled him into a bear hug and ruffled his hair. "I miss you. It's hard trying to be the funny one."

Deeks laughed at Sam and pulled away. He looked at Kensi, shoving his hands in his pocket and tilting his head slightly. "Hi."

Licking her lips nervously, Kensi avoided his gaze. "Hello."

"Right," Deeks said slowly. "So, I guess we'll meet you at the boatshed?"

Kensi turned and headed for the Challenger. Sam nodded and followed after her.

"Okay, what was all that, Marty?"

Deeks groaned. "I'll tell you later, come one." He pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked his car. "We're gonna have a talk about the meaning of 'public defender' later, too. Last time I checked, it's not the same as having me on retainer."

* * *

"Marty."

"What Raul?"

"What the hell kind of police station is this?"

Deeks chuckled. He and Raul were sitting in the common area of the NCIS boatshed, waiting for Sam and Kensi to get off their phones. "It's not so much a police station as it is a, uh, discreet place to do business."

"Yeah okay. But those two don't look like federal agents to me."

"That's the point, Raul. Just be honest about what you know and don't freak out, and we'll be out of here in no time."

He nodded as Sam and Kensi sat down at the table with them. Kensi started the video on the big screen. "Okay, no pressure, but we want you to watch this video and see if jogs your memory about the stabbing incident. For example, do you remember hearing anything that these two men were arguing about? Or did Agent Williams say anything to you specifically when you tried to help him?"

Raul's eyes grew wide. "That guy was a special agent too?" Sam nodded. "Damn." He leaned forward, staring intently at the video. "I'll be honest, I really wasn't paying much attention at the time. But that guy, he definitely said something about his laptop. I thought it was just a robbery gone bad, ya know?"

Deeks leaned back in his chair, giving Sam a skeptical look. "What do you think the motive was?"

Kensi scowled. "That's what we're trying to figure out."

"I'm just saying, they're obviously arguing over something, but there's got to be some reason Booker killed the guy. Did he need his car? He could've stolen anybody's car. Was it personal, did they know each other?"

"Yeah, used to work together in San Diego," Sam answered.

"Maybe he was trying to call in a favor?"

Raul raised his hand as if he were asking permission to speak in class. "Um, or maybe he just wanted his laptop?"

Sam and Kensi exchanged a worried look. "Access," they said in unison. "I gotta call G," Sam said, leaving the table.

"Wait, Sam…" Kensi started but Sam held his hand up, already on the phone. She sighed and smiled weakly at Raul, avoiding eye contact with Deeks.

"You know, you can talk to me like an adult, Kensi," Deeks said.

Kensi huffed. "If I wanted to talk to you, I would just…talk to you."

"You're talking to me right now."

"Not really."

"I mean, it's better than talking to your voicemail message. Hi," Deeks raised his voice, talking like a valley girl. "You've reached Kensi, leave a messaaaaaage."

Kensi glared at him. "Get a haircut, you look ridiculous."

Deeks grinned. "That's the best you've got?"

Raul looked back and forth between the two of them, amused. Sam returned to the table before Kensi had a chance to object. "Eric and Nell are looking into Agent Williams to see if he might have had anything Booker would be willing to kill over." Kensi clenched her jaw, not saying anything. "Raul, thanks for your help. And good luck with your case."

"That's it?" Raul asked, standing up.

"You already signed what we need from you," Sam answered, extending his hand for a shake. "Deeks, great to see you. We should get together sometime, grab a beer after work."

"Likewise. I, uh, I'll give you a call," Deeks responded, glancing at Kensi as they exited the boatshed.

* * *

"What've we got, guys?" Callen asked as he walked into Ops.

Nell gave him a concerned look. "It's not good. Hospital records showed that Agent Williams didn't have a cell phone in his possession when he arrived at the hospital."

"Okay, so Booker probably has an NCIS cell phone and laptop. Great," Callen said, crossing his arms.

"I'm about to pull all his phone records for the past week," Eric interjected.

"But it's worse than that," Nell continued. "Agent Williams had top security clearance. With Booker's background, if he accessed anything through Williams' computer…"

"All of NCIS could be compromised," Callen finished her sentence, sighing. "Do we know for sure we've been breached?"

"Just pulled up Agent Williams' NCIS ID, says access was granted today at 1:00. I'm tracing it now," Eric said, typing furiously. "Okay, I have all of his phone records. And it looks like Williams logged into the NCIS secure network via…Starbucks?"

"Public wifi," Nell said. "Bold."

"Eric, can you access his browsing history through their wifi?"

"It should be available on their LOG, sure."

"Find it," Callen ordered. "We need to figure out what his ultimate goal is. I'll tell Hetty to call the Director and warn him of the breach…" he trailed off, walking out of Ops and pulling his phone out to call his partner.

"What's up G?"

"Sam, where are you?"

"Headed your way."

"We might have been hacked by Booker. Is our witness still with you?"

"No, we sent him home," Sam answered.

Callen groaned. "We don't know what kind of records Booker might have accessed. If he found out we have an eye witness account…"

"Got it," Sam said, swinging his Challenger into a U-turn and ending the phone call.

"Problem?" Kensi asked.

"Problem."

* * *

"She's really hot."

"Huh?" Deeks was trying to focus on driving, but couldn't keep from daydreaming. It had only been a couple of months but being back in the NCIS world, Kensi's world really, had thrown him off of his game.

"That agent, she's really hot," Raul said again.

Deeks blinked and shook his head. "Yeah sure." He actually thought she didn't look good at all, too skinny and pale. Glancing sideways at Raul, Deeks eyed the young man suspiciously. "What?"

"Come on man, my life is about to suck more than it already does. You gotta give me something. How do you know the sexy secret agent?"

Smiling sadly, Deeks relented. "We were partners."

"Okay, now I'm really confused, I thought you were a lawyer?"

"I am. And I was a cop. Jack of all trades, if you will. She and I had a...things happened and...it's a long story."

Raul grinned and pointed at Deeks. "Uh huh. You're a lucky man, Marty. You think if I get a suit I could land a chick like that?"

Deeks laughed as he turned onto Raul's street. "I think you've got a lot more to worry about…" he trailed off. The late afternoon sun reflected off of something to his right, distracting him momentarily. "Get down."

"What?"

"Get down!" Deeks yelled, slamming his foot on the accelerator just before bullets riddled his car.


	3. No Turning Back Now

I don't own anything. Thanks again to my beta ladies aprylynn and ifiknowyouatall.

* * *

**_Los Angeles, July 2014_**

_Exhaling nervously, Deeks closed his eyes and counted to sixty. This was a method he used to calm himself time and time again, and he hated that he had to use this relaxation technique as often as he did. Lately his partnership had been slightly volatile with Kensi. Their attempt to balance work and romance, with a little bit of PTSD and revenge issues thrown in, was failing. Kensi didn't see it, of course. Failure was not in her vocabulary._

_Juggling the six-pack of beer and bag full of take-out food, Deeks pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door to Kensi's apartment. "Hey, took you long enough," Kensi greeted him at the door, grabbing the food and beer from him._

_Deeks nodded, sitting down on her couch. "Yeah, I uh, had to take care of some LAPD paperwork," he said, opening two beers for them. They sat in comfortable silence as they ate their dinner and watched reruns of Friends._

_"The One With The Jellyfish," Kensi pointed to the TV with her beer. "This brings back memories, huh? What were you doing when this first came on?"_

_Deeks swallowed his bite of burger and took a swig of beer. "First year of college. Better question is probably who was I doing when this first came on."_

_Kensi rolled her eyes and threw her wrapper on the table. Taking the last bite of burger, Deeks did the same. He took another sip of beer and scratched his cheek nervously before exhaling loudly. "Kens?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_He traced the hem of her jeans with his finger. "I need to tell you something."_

_She gave him a suspicious side-glance. "You're not dying are you?"_

_"No," he said slowly. "Not yet anyway." He continued fidgeting with her jeans, but she grabbed his hand to make him stop, lacing their fingers together. "I never told you this, but after the uh, torture, I told Sam that I didn't think I wanted to be a cop anymore."_

_"Okay, I mean, I understand that, it was very difficult for you. But you came back," she said, squeezing his hand._

_He gulped and squeezed her hand back. "Sometimes I think I, um, I made the wrong decision. Or maybe I just made that decision for the wrong reasons."_

_"Why _did_ you come back?" She asked, nervously shaking one leg._

_"You."_

_Kensi shook her head. "No, no you didn't."_

_"I did."_

_"No, you didn't!" She caught herself yelling and stopped. "You didn't. You came back because you're a cop, and that's not just what you do, it's who you are. Remember? I mean, I've heard you say that so many times…"_

_"Kensi, look at me." She sighed and shut up. "Part of me died that day. You know that, I know that. And I wasn't ready to come back when I did. Another part of me died the day you got shot. Sometimes I think you try not to see how difficult this year has been for me. And lately...I think I might have made a mistake."_

_"Define lately," Kensi said stiffly. He glanced away from her briefly, but his eyes told her the truth. "Right. So I guess that's just it then? You want to leave me."_

_Deeks grunted and pulled his hand away from her grip. "I never said 'that's it.' God Kens, why does everything have to be so black and white with you? I just said you were the reason I came back, and guess what, you are the reason I haven't been able to leave yet. We just need to talk about this."_

_"What is there to talk about, Deeks? You said I'm black and white? Well guess what? With you, everything is gray. The minute we slept together, you couldn't separate work from pleasure."_

_"What is there to separate Kensi?" He asked gently. "If partner Deeks gets shot tomorrow and you watch him die, is boyfriend Deeks gonna miraculously be at your doorstep to comfort you?"_

_"Don't."_

_"Or I guess you could get shot, again, or kidnapped, or I don't know, tortured."_

_"Shut up Deeks."_

_"You think you can handle this, but you can't," Deeks argued. "Think about what we've been through over the last year, huh? The two of are just so…so damaged."_

_"So you're just going to throw it all away."_

_"What am I throwing away? So you get a new partner, so what? So I, I don't know, I could run a bar or something stupid like that." He grabbed her hand again, stroking it. "This is what I don't want to lose. And I think that right now, if we keep working together…we're going to lose both."_

_"You just said yourself, what is there to separate." Kensi responded coldly._

_"Touché." He sighed. "Kensi please, I'm not giving up on us. I just, or we just, need some time."_

_"Time for what?"_

_Deeks pushed a stray hair behind her ear and leaned close, kissing her. "Time together, without guns and bombs and bad guys. Time for us figure out who we are as a couple, without dealing with torture and top secret missions across the world. Time to just be…happy."_

_Kensi drew in a shaky breath. "I just don't know how to process this, I don't know what you want from me."_

_"I want to go to Bali, or Australia, or Portugal, and spend all day surfing and hiking or whatever I feel like when I wake up that morning. And maybe, just maybe, wake up and not think I'm going to die or you're going to die that day." She rolled her eyes at him, but he continued. "I'm serious. I want you to come with me."_

_She closed her eyes and sighed. "You know I can't do that."_

_"You can, you just won't."_

_"We're so close to finding Booker, I can feel it."_

_Deeks huffed and pulled away. "Sorry, I forgot, you're the only agent that works for NCIS. What ever will they do if you're not there to kill all the bad guys."_

_"What does that even mean?"_

_"You know damn well what that means. And I think I'm figuring you out right now. You're not mad that I want to leave, you're just mad that you're going to lose another partner."_

_"Don't be an asshole, Deeks."_

_He gritted his teeth. "Tell me I'm wrong."_

_"You're wrong."_

_"So come with me."_

_"Please don't do this. Don't make me choose."_

_"I never asked you to choose," Deeks responded sadly. "And I didn't think you had to. Maybe I have a lot more to figure out than how I'm going to pay my bills."_

_Kensi ran her hands through her hair. "I don't know what you wanted me to say. You're not even making sense right now."_

_"I dunno, maybe I wanted you to say that I'm more important than our job. I thought maybe you would say okay, let's go and we'll figure out work when we get back or something. I thought you'd try to be an understanding girlfriend and support me. Or maybe you'd open up your damn eyes and realize that we're both drowning here and there's nobody to save us but ourselves." He stood up, gathering their trash from the table. "I'm not going to work tomorrow."_

_She stood up with him, incredulous. "Are you serious?"_

_"I already turned in my notice. I'm finishing out my two weeks at LAPD."_

_"What about Hetty? And Sam and…" she trailed off. "They already know, don't they?" He nodded. "I can't believe...you couldn't even talk to me first?"_

_He looked away from her and grabbed his keys. "I was worried you would change my mind. Clearly I was wrong." He was about to walk towards the door, but stopped and closed his eyes. He didn't want to leave like this, so he turned back around to face Kensi. Her eyes and cheeks were red and she had her fists clenched by her side. "Please Kens, just try to understand."_

_Kensi allowed one tear to slide down her cheek before walking past him. She avoided his eyes as she opened her front door wordlessly and wiped her face. He walked out, flinching as she slammed the door behind him._

* * *

**Los Angeles, September 2014**

Kensi's knuckles were white as she gripped the door of Sam's Challenger. Two LAPD cruisers had already passed them on their way to Raul's house. "It's probably nothing, Kensi," Sam assured her. "You might want to actually breathe."

She exhaled the breath she didn't realize she was holding but kept her grip on the car door. She could hear sirens, and judging by the speed of the Challenger, she knew Sam could too. They saw the chaos as soon as they turned onto Raul's street: five police cars, an ambulance, a firetruck, and a Camaro smashed into a fire hydrant. Before Sam had even put the car in park Kensi was out of the door with badge in hand. "NCIS."

The officer waved her through with a knowing look. Nothing in the scene had been processed and officers and EMT's were still rushing around her as she stood in the middle of it all, looking for a familiar face. Sam tapped her shoulder, pointing to the curb by the ambulance. Deeks was sitting by himself with his head in his hands. His hair and suit were soaked, and his tie was strewn on the ground next to a Glock 27.

They approached him cautiously. "Deeks? Are you okay?"

He nodded, not looking up. "Fine. A little disoriented, but fine."

"Raul?" Deeks pointed to the ambulance. "I'll check on the situation and talk to LAPD," Sam said, sliding away.

Kensi sat down on the curb next to Deeks, maintaining a safe distance from him. "What happened?"

He shrugged. "Turned on the street, saw a gun, tried to drive away but a bullet got my tire. So much for my defensive driving lessons huh? And I just got that car, too."

Kensi pointed to the gun on the ground. "Since when do you carry a baby Glock?"

"Easy to conceal without sacrificing power. I didn't shoot it, if you're about to ask that. I got out of the car and pulled it but couldn't see the shooter. Not that I..." He stopped himself, shaking his head. Drops of water flew off of his long hair, a few of them landing on Kensi's arm. "I really shouldn't have pulled a gun out I guess, but old habits die hard, huh?"

"You probably saved both of your lives because of it." She reached out to him, rubbing his back. "I'm glad you're okay."

Deeks turned to look at her, smiling at the worry on her face. "This would usually be the part where I ask if you're hitting on me." He turned back away, looking at the ambulance. "It's not like old times, though."

Kensi pursed her lips, pulling her hand away. "And this is the part where I ask if you have a head injury."

"It's a possibility."

"Definite possibility."

Sam walked briskly back to them, waving a thank you to an LAPD officer. "Raul's headed out to the hospital. Stable for now, but he did take a bullet to his shoulder. You need to checked out too, Deeks." Deeks nodded. "LAPD says they'll investigate but it'll likely just be considered a random drive-by shooting."

"We know who did this!" Kensi yelled, standing up. Sam gave her a cross look and she scowled. "Okay, we think we know who did this."

Deeks stood up stiffly from the curb and waved to them, climbing into the ambulance. Sam held his hand up to stop him. "Hey, one of us will pick you up later, okay?"

He nodded, sitting down next to Raul. "Yeah, okay. Thanks."

* * *

"Big news!" Nell ran down the stairs holding her tablet with Eric wasn't far behind her. Callen and Hetty stood up from her desk to meet them half way. "We think we figured out what Booker's doing."

"First things first, I have alerted the Director of a possible breach in security. Have you ensured that he won't be able to do it again?" Hetty asked.

"Oh yeah," Eric said confidently. "Agent Williams' account is locked out and we'll be alerted immediately if someone attempts to log in again."

"Carry on, then."

"Okay, Agent Williams made three calls earlier this week to a US Marshal, Malcolm Pierce. Another call was placed to him again this afternoon from Williams' phone, most likely Booker. Emails show communication between them all week long, too. You'll never guess what he's doing."

"Get to the point, Mr. Beale," Hetty said.

"Witness protection program," Nell broke in. "Look, Agent Williams had him set up everything, new name, license, social security number. He even sent them a fake court case that Booker testified in. This had to be why he needed the laptop, it had all the forged documents about why he was entering witness protection on it."

Callen glanced at the door when he saw Sam and Kensi enter the Mission, but continued talking to Eric and Nell. "Alright, so we know he's going into WITSEC. We just gotta figure out a way to intercept him."

"Oh ye of little faith," Nell said, swiping on her tablet. "Emails state he is supposed to be escorted to them at Santa Monica Place tomorrow at 10."

Sam butted in to the conversation. "Busy location. You got a plan, G?"

"I think I need to call in a favor," Hetty stated, smiling as she walked back to her desk.

"Does everybody owe Hetty a favor?" Eric whispered to Nell. She cocked her head at him and raised her eyebrows, smiling.

"Something just doesn't add up," Callen stated. "Why Los Angeles? Why kill Agent Williams and try to kill our witness? Why hack in to NCIS?"

"Tying up loose ends," Kensi said quietly. "Maybe I'm one of them."

"Are you saying this is some elaborate trap just to kill you?"

"No," Kensi said, shaking her head. "He really thinks he's going to get away free and clear. And if all he really wanted was to kill me, well, he's had plenty of chances before now."

"But you still think there's a chance he's gunning for you?" Sam asked. She nodded yes. "Well, you'll be on overwatch tomorrow anyway. We can't risk him seeing you and bolting. Maybe you should stay with one of us tonight though, you know, just in case."

Kensi made a face at him. "Please, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself." She forced a smile; Sam and Callen shared a worried look. "Guys really, I'm fine. Sam, didn't you promise Deeks you'd pick him up from the hospital?"

"Rock, paper, scissors you for it."

Callen laughed. "Have fun with that. Be here by 7 tomorrow so we can finalize our game plan."

* * *

Deeks finally exited the hospital after a long night of being uncomfortably checked in the Emergency Room and giving statements to his former co-workers, neither of which were a terribly pleasant experience for him. This was his first trip to an ER since his traumatic experience after being tortured. He was thankful there weren't any giant needles or surgeons waiting for him this time.

Looking around the parking lot, he expected to see Sam's Challenger waiting for him. Seeing Kensi's Cadillac instead was a surprise to him. He tucked his hands into his still damp pockets and walked briskly over to her SUV, climbing into the passenger seat. "I was expecting Sam. Or Callen. Or Nell."

"Rock always beats scissors," she responded, backing out of her parking space. Deeks looked down at his hands, refraining from commenting that she always chose scissors. The ride was silent for about ten minutes before Kensi started talking.

"We're going to get him tomorrow. Booker. I don't know what his deal is though. Maybe he's going to try to kill me. I don't know. But he's trying to sneak into Witness Protection, can you believe it? How does he think he's not going to get caught? I mean, he has to know we know about it now, right? Because he hacked into NCIS on public wifi. What? How ballsy and stupid can you be?"

Deeks glanced at her. "Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you telling me all of this?"

She bit her bottom lip. "I don't know. I guess because I usually vent to myself on my way home because I don't have anybody to listen to me anymore."

"I uh, I don't know how to respond to that."

"You don't have to." They were quiet again for a few more minutes before Kensi spoke again. "How is Raul?"

"He's going to make it, I'm sure. He got lucky. We both did I guess. It's funny, I thought I was out of the dodging bullet business. I'm still pretty good at it, though," Deeks responded jokingly. Kensi didn't laugh. "Awkward," he muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Kensi pulled her Cadillac into Deeks' apartment and parked in the spot closest to his door, putting the SUV in park but leaving it running. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel nervously when Deeks didn't make an effort to leave. "So…"

"I called you," he said, turning to look at her. "Every day for 2 weeks. Every other day for 2 weeks after that. You never answered, never called back."

She tightened her grip on the steering wheel. "I remember."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I didn't know what to say."

"And now?"

"Now," she said, sighing. "Now, I would say that I was hurt. Hurt because you quit without giving me any warning. Hurt because you always assumed that I never put you first. I was, I mean I guess I am, hurt."

Deeks frowned. "I think hurt is a good word, for both of us. I'm sorry that I, um, that I hurt you. If that means anything."

"Yeah. Me too. Sorry I mean," Kensi said, loosening her grip on the steering wheel. "Goodnight Deeks."

"Goodnight Kensi. Be careful tomorrow." He opened the car door and slid out. Before closing the door he ducked his head back into the SUV. "And if you think about it, you should call me back sometime."

* * *

Kensi adjusted her sunglasses, pretending to look at jewelry at the open-air shopping center. Maintaining overwatch duties in the busy shopping center was no easy task, but at least they had an idea of where Booker was supposed to meet the US Marshals waiting to take him into Witness Protection. What they didn't know was how he how had planned to pull it off without an NCIS escort to match his paperwork. "You guys see him yet?"

"Not yet, Kensi. Be patient," Callen answered. He and Sam were in the circular center of the shopping mall, leaning against one of the golden poles outside of Bloomingdales.

"Easy for you to say," she muttered. Kensi tapped her foot, rifling through necklaces. _This is it,_ she thought. This was the moment she had been on for waiting months. She wanted to make Booker pay; pay for killing the two agents in Afghanistan, pay for shooting her and leaving her for dead, and pay for ruining her life by making her obsessed with catching him.

A noise right behind her startled her away from her daze, but she was too slow. She felt a hand on the small of her back, grabbing her service weapon. Another hand was on her ear, tapping her earwig to turn it off. "Pretend like we're talking," Booker said. Kensi gritted her teeth and nodded. "Good girl. I need something really simple from you, and I'm pretty sure you know what it is."

Kensi grunted, realizing that their attempted trap for Booker was actually a trap for her. "NCIS escort. Well played."

"Thank you. This is only going to take a few minutes. You cooperate and you and all of your friends and family get to live. Easy enough, right? Fight me on this, and it won't be pretty."

"You sound awfully tough for a coward," Kensi said as Booker started pushing her to walk. "How exactly does a computer nerd turn into a psychopath? Maybe all those studies about the damage of video games were right." He jabbed her gun against her spine and she winced. "You really think this is going to work? This isn't a game, this is real life, Booker. The minute you leave with the Marshals we'll start tracking you again. The only reason you're even going to walk out of here alive is because of all these innocent people around you."

"I would be worried, but you haven't caught me yet. And wherever your agent friends are right now, they aren't going to do anything when they see that you're walking with me," Booker said confidently. He slipped her gun back into her holster as they approached the Bloomingdale's entrance. "You know what to do."

Kensi bit her lip to keep from smiling and pulled her badge out as they approached the two men at the entrance. "Special Agent Kensi Blye, NCIS."

Sam and Callen exchanged a brief look. Sam nodded to her. "Malcolm Pierce, this is my partner Barney Vaughn. What happened to Agent Williams?"

"He couldn't make it." Kensi shoved Booker towards them. "Here's your witness. Good luck with him. He has a horrible sense of humor."

"We'll be okay. We're already used to it," Callen said, grabbing Booker by his arms and twisting him around. Sam pulled out his zip ties and placed them roughly on Booker's wrists.

"Wait, what?" Booker looked around, confused.

"Like I said, Booker. This is real life. You've outsmarted us for long enough. Meet my 'agent friends,' asshole." Kensi smiled in relief at Callen and Sam. "Please get him away from me before I do something I regret, guys."

"With pleasure," Sam responded, tugging Booker towards the shopping center exit. "This was almost too easy. Gotta love Hetty and her favors."

"Barney, really Sam?" Callen asked. "That's the first name that popped in your head?"

Kensi laughed nervously as she watched Sam and Callen walk away. She stayed behind for a minute, kneeling down to the ground with her head in her hands. She felt as if a giant weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. It was finally over._  
_


	4. In the End

Final chapter! Please pay close attention to the dates in this chapter, as it covers more time than any of the others have. Thanks to everybody who has read and enjoyed this story. Huge thanks to aprylynn and ifiknowyouatall for your awesome beta-ness.

I still own nothing.

* * *

_**Los Angeles, September 2010**_

_Deeks shook the water out of his hair and winced in pain. The shower cleaned two days worth of grime and gunpowder off of him but did nothing for the ringing in his head. Painkillers might help that, or tequila. He buttoned up his shirt, not his shirt actually, but the shirt that Hetty had given him when he finally made it back to the Mission. The pants she gave him fit perfectly, almost like they had been tailor made for him. He really hoped that Hetty didn't actually have pants tailor made for him. "That would be creepy," he muttered._

_"As creepy as talking to yourself?"_

_He froze. "Do you always sneak up on people in the bathroom?"_

_"Not always. Don't get used to it," Kensi teased._

_Deeks turned around to face his new partner. "You're a little weird, but that's okay. And you might have been joking right there, but I'm not sure. So um, yeah, can I help you with…something?"_

_She sighed and shoved her hands in her back pockets. "I'm trying to be nice." Deeks raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm offering to take you home. Or take you out for a beer or whatever."_

_"Hetty mandated partner bonding time?" He asked suspiciously._

_"You know what, that's okay, see you tomorrow." Kensi turned around and walked out of the locker room._

_"Kensi! Kensi, wait, sorry." Deeks called after her, following her out. "Wow, you're still walking. Okay yes, a beer or shots or something like that would be great." He walked briskly, keeping pace with her. She had a small smile on her face as she continued towards the exit. "I'll even buy the first round."_

_She stopped briefly at her desk to grab her bag. "That's more like it."_

_Loud techno music filled Kensi's Cadillac as she drove them to one of her favorite hangouts. Deeks rode with his eyes closed, trying to ignore the throbbing in his head that was in rhythm with the beats on her stereo. When the car stopped he finally opened his eyes; and then groaned. "Is this a club?"_

_Kensi made a face at him as she got out of her SUV. "What did you have in mind?"_

_"Uh, a bar, you know, the place where people go to drink when they're not trying to go home with a complete stranger?"_

_"Whatever Deeks."_

_It turned out that Kensi's hangout was more of a lounge than a club. Their casual clothes were only slightly out of place and there weren't any half naked people humping on the dance floor. "This is alright, I guess. Whatcha drinking?"_

_"Beer. Lager, whatever is on tap," Kensi answered as she walked away, swaying her hips to the music playing. "I'll go find us a place to sit."_

_Deeks walked over to the bar, ordering two Land Sharks and two shots of tequila. His eyes scanned the room as he waited; Kensi had found a pair of leather chairs in a corner, facing the door. Exactly what he would have chosen. Juggling the shots in one hand and the beers in the other, he weaved his way around the crowd back to Kensi._

_"Shots? I hope both of those are for you," Kensi said as she grabbed the beers from his right hand._

_"Seriously?"_

_She sighed. "Fine, just one. And only because I know you've had a shitty day."_

_Deeks balked. "Shitty day? Try shitty year." He licked the salt off the rim of his glass, took his shot and winced right before shoving his lime in his mouth. "Whew, I could use about four more of those. Who am I supposed to be right now again?"_

_Kensi squinted her eyes at him. "What are you talking about, Deeks?"_

_"Nevermind. I just needed a reminder because it's been a while. I'm Deeks again. Finally. You know you don't have to call me that by the way, you can call me Marty." He pointed to her tequila shot. "You gonna drink that?"_

_She obliged him and took her shot. "Do you always talk this much, Deeks?"_

_He looked at her with a rather serious look on his face and nodded. "Yeah. I like to talk so much that you never even realize I haven't told you anything at all."_

_"Good to know," Kensi said dryly, filing that information away for later. Deeks looked at her like he was expecting her to say something else, but she didn't._

_She sipped her beer quietly while Deeks drank his quickly and went back to the bar for a second round. He chose to take his shot at the bar this time, returning only with a beer. "So Special Agent Blye, why did you really invite me out tonight?"_

_She looked deep in thought, staring at the various people in the lounge instead of looking at him. "I don't really know you at all. But when Hetty said you were missing, I still felt...worried I guess. And I was relieved when we got you out alive. My last partner didn't have the same fate."_

_"Yeah," Deeks said solemnly, taking a gulp of beer. "I can relate to that."_

_Kensi turned to look at him. "You were sleeping with her?"_

_He chewed on his bottom lip. "Yeah."_

_"That's really stupid."_

_Deeks laughed bitterly. "You think I don't know that?"_

_"So why do it?"_

_Deeks raised an eyebrow. "So you're saying you've never slept with a partner?"_

_"Oh, definitely not," she responded quickly. "Doesn't it just make the job harder?"_

_Deeks tilted his head, thinking. "Yes and no. It makes most nights easier." He paused to gulp the rest of his beer. "But it makes nights like tonight fucking hard as hell."_

_Kensi frowned, not knowing how to respond. She chose to reach a hand out to his arm, squeezing it firmly. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes for a second and nodded his head in appreciation. Talking wasn't really her thing, it seemed. She was the polar opposite of him; if she actually said something, she meant it._

_"You need another?" He asked, breaking the silence._

_"I'll get this round," she answered, standing up. "You wanna know something, Deeks?"_

_"What's that?"_

_She smiled down at him. "Things are going to be okay. And your new partner isn't planning on dying anytime soon."_

_Deeks smiled as she started walking backwards towards the bar. "Anything else I should know?" He called out._

_She grinned. "Yeah!" She called back. "I'm sure as hell not gonna have sex with you either!" She laughed as she pivoted her body halfway around to walk to the bar, but didn't turn all the way until she could see his reaction._

_Deeks was laughing quietly to himself, looking at the floor. "Right," he muttered under his breath. "Touché."_

* * *

**Los Angeles, September 2014**

"Why?" Callen asked.

Kensi watched the interrogation on the TV in the boatshed, tapping her foot impatiently. She really just wanted a confession, for Booker to admit to everything he had done so she could find closure with this whole situation. Callen and Sam had taken the lead on his questioning, asking that Kensi just observe. She agreed.

Booker leaned forward on the table. "Why…"

"Everything. Let's start with why you decided to betray your country?" Callen continued, also leaning on the table.

After looking around the room aimlessly for a minute, Booker sighed in resignation. "What does it matter what I say at this point anyway? I did it for the money. And I didn't expect things to go as far as they did."

Sam looked at Callen, communicating with his eyes that he didn't trust Booker's repentant tone. "Like shooting three federal agents in Afghanistan, killing two of them?"

"I'm sorry about that."

"No you're not," Callen said, shaking his head. "Just like you're not sorry about killing Agent Williams in LA. Or shooting our witness. Or falsifying legal documents. The list goes on and on, Booker."

Booker jutted his jaw out. "Okay fine. But I am actually sorry about Jeb. He was a friend of mine."

"Was Agent Blye a friend of yours also?" Sam asked. Booker didn't respond. "Okay, answer me this. Why Los Angeles?"

Booker shrugged. "Jeb set it up here, said he didn't want any of his buddies in the San Diego office seeing me cause they'd know he was helping me. He started to panic, questioning things, worrying about getting caught. It was…unfortunate what happened."

"Did you hear that Sam? Murder is unfortunate." Callen slammed his fist on the table. "Is there anything else we should know about? Any other partners out there, members of the White Ghost's unit in the US right now?"

"I'm not privy to that kind of information," Booker said smugly. "After all, I'm just a technical analyst, right?"

Sam sighed. "He's not doing us any good, G. The other agents will be here soon to take him to prison, and I'm really tired of talking to him."

"Kensi's not taking me? That's surprising. I'm sure she would have loved that," Booker smirked, looking at the camera in the corner of the room. "I bet she thinks me being here is all her, doesn't she?"

Clenching her jaw, Kensi turned the monitor off. She didn't want to hear any more. Hands shaking, she placed the remote back on the table. The rush of adrenaline from earlier was wearing off, and the past few months of poor sleeping was catching up to her again.

"Don't worry, Miss Blye. He will pay for his crimes," Hetty spoke softly, creeping up behind her. "You did well today."

"Thanks," Kensi responded weakly.

"You don't think what you did was enough?"

Kensi frowned. "The agents he killed, I lived with them every day for almost 4 months. I lived with _him_ every day for 4 months. We ate meals together, played stupid board games to pass the time. Everybody over there…we were starting to become friends, finally. Until I figured out what was going on, and he just lost it. I wasn't ready, and my friends died. I don't think anything I do will ever be enough."

Hetty nodded, clasping her hands in front of her. "You're still blaming yourself, I see." Kensi didn't respond. "Hmm. Well this may be a little late, but none of this actually _is_ your fault."

"That's not true."

Hetty narrowed her eyes. "Care to explain?"

"Deeks is my fault."

"Hardly," Hetty scoffed. "I'm sorry, but this was his decision. You didn't torture him. You didn't shoot yourself. You weren't responsible for the violence he had to see day in and day out."

"I found him tortured and left him. He nursed me back to health after I was shot and I treated him like shit. I wasn't there for him. I have always been there for you, and Sam, and Callen, but I couldn't…" Kensi paused, biting down hard on her bottom lip. "But I couldn't be there for the most important person in my life."

Hetty was silent for a minute, choosing her words carefully. "Have you told him you feel this way?"

"No," Kensi said, wiping an eye with the back of her hand. "I've seen his worst and he's seen mine. The damage is done. We can never go back to where we were."

"It is possible," Hetty said, squeezing Kensi's shoulder, "that where you were is not actually where you need to be at all."

Kensi eyed her curiously. "I'm not sure I follow."

"Perhaps you should take some time to clear your mind and put your priorities in order, Miss Blye." Kensi dropped her head in defeat, understanding that Hetty was ordering her to take leave from work. "We'll all be here for you when you come back."

* * *

**Los Angeles, November 2014**

Kensi stood outside the front door of a small bar that was nestled right on the beach, looking down at her phone. She was embarrassed to admit it, but she had called Nell and asked her to perform a GPS search on Deeks' cell phone; a request that Nell had gladly obliged. But now that she was here she didn't know what to do. She could play it off like an accidental meeting, or she could admit that she was a creepy stalker.

Opening the door, she scanned the room for his shaggy blond hair. Her eyes had almost covered the whole room when she did a double take and squinted. Deeks was sitting in a corner booth by himself, dressed in a suit without a tie with his nose deep in some paperwork. That wasn't what surprised her though; his hair, while not short by any means, was much shorter than she'd ever seen it. His beard was clean looking, but fuller. Seeing him made her feel like her stomach had leapt up and punched her in the throat.

She walked over to the bartender and ordered a beer. Exhaling nervously, she dialed Deeks' number in her phone and watched, waiting to see his reaction. She couldn't help but smile, even though she felt like a voyeur. She could see him patting his jacket pockets, trying to find his phone. When he finally found it and looked at the caller ID, his face fell slightly. She almost hung up right then, but stopped herself when she saw a small smile spread across his mouth. Her brow furrowed as she watched him, wondering why he was taking so long to answer her call.

He finally answered and put the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey," Kensi said slowly.

"I contemplated letting this go to voicemail."

"Well," she said. "Then I guess it would have been your turn to call me back."

Deeks chuckled. "So you're calling me back then?"

"I'm calling you back," she said seriously, walking towards his table. "You wanna talk?"

He swapped hands, holding the phone up to his right ear instead of his left. "Uh yeah, sure."

"Good," Kensi said, scooting in to the booth next to him and tossing her phone on the table.

He looked at her, surprised. "Um, hi. Did Nell tell you I was here?"

Her mouth dropped open briefly. "How did you know that?"

"I asked her if she wanted to come out with me tonight…" Deeks responded, looking at her like he was telling her the only obvious answer.

"Oh. Yeah. Of course." She took a sip of her beer, not taking her eyes off of him. "You, um. You look good, Deeks. Different, but good."

"Yeah you, you look great," Deeks stared back at her. He shrugged and pointed to his hand towards her. "Your hair is like, really long again. And your, uh," he stammered. "This is awkward. Is this awkward?"

"Little bit," Kensi answered, smiling. "It probably should be awkward."

"So if we say it's awkward will it quit being awkward?"

"Maybe we should just stop saying the word awkward."

Deeks smiled back at her. "Okay. So what's the next cliché? How have you been?"

"Horrible," Kensi answered. "You?"

Deeks paused for a second. "I'm…okay. Work is okay. Remember Raul?" She nodded. "Good kid. He's okay now. Got a nice plea deal, but he was willing to do the time for his crime no matter what." He took a sip of his bourbon. "How is work, for you?"

"You probably know better than I do," she said. "I haven't been to work in almost two months, and apparently you're still in touch with everybody there. So you knew that too, I'm sure."

"I did," he said slowly. "And I think it's a good thing."

"A good thing?"

"Yeah. Time away from all of it is a good thing. You needed it." He paused to take another sip. "I needed it."

"I know." Kensi cocked her head. "I'll admit that I'm a little curious about something, though."

"What's that?"

"What did you do exactly, when you...left?"

"Well," he said, "I spent about a month feeling sorry for myself. Ya know, did I do the right thing, oh God I totally screwed up my life, I've lost everything. That kinda thing." He swallowed the rest of his bourbon. "Then after that, I got off of my ass and flew to France. Spent a month travelling up and down the west coast, surfing on all the beaches. I didn't wear a shirt the entire trip, it was great. Lonely, but great. Just me and the ocean. I had a lot of time to think about…things."

"Yeah. I understand that." Kensi stared at her beer, processing their conversation. "I did something similar. Spent some time with my mom. Nate actually came back for about a week, and I talked to him for a while. I went to San Diego for a bit and saw some old friends. I flew to Hawaii. I hadn't been back since, you know, all of that. I made peace with a lot of things."

"Is that why you're here?"

"Sort of," she said.

"You don't have to make peace with me."

"I know I don't have to. I just…" Kensi sighed, unable to find her words.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" Deeks asked, tilting his head at her. She looked confused, and opened her mouth but nothing came out. He pointed to the exit. "The beach is quieter, if you want to talk. I just need to drop these papers off in my car. Meet you out back?" She nodded yes, and he gathered his things, leaving her alone. Sighing, she finished her beer and walked out of the back door of the bar. She slipped her shoes off and stepped into the cold sand, walking down close to the water and sitting down Indian style.

Soon a pair of loafers dropped in front of her and Deeks sat down, propping his arms up on his knees. He laced his fingers together, twiddling his thumbs. "I'm really sorry. For everything. I, I didn't handle things the right way."

"Yeah, well, I didn't either. I'm sorry, too." They both stared at the waves in silence for a minute before Kensi spoke again. "Was it stupid to think it would ever work?"

"Not really," he answered, turning to look at her. "I'm sure in another life under different circumstances…we would have been great together."

"We _were_ great partners," Kensi said.

"That we were," Deeks agreed. "We weren't too bad at some other stuff too."

"Really, Deeks?"

"What, I like to diffuse tense situations with humor," he said, chuckling.

Kensi laughed. "Yes, yes you do. I actually really miss that about you."

"That's funny, I actually really miss that scary laugh of yours. It's been a long time since I've heard it," Deeks said. "Do it again."

She rolled her eyes. "I can't laugh on command."

"That's right, you're not quite a trained dolphin."

Kensi narrowed her eyes at him. "Touché."

Deeks' eyes grew wide and he fell backwards into the sand, laughing. "I can't believe it. I just can _not _believe it. Ooooh wow. You finally did it."

"You do realize I'm not an idiot, right Deeks?"

He slowed his laughing, exhaling loudly. "I had my suspicions."

"Laughing is good, huh?" Kensi said as she leaned back on her elbows. "Remember the guy that thought they were filming little people pornos next door to his house?"

"Oh yeah, that was a good one. What about all the times I went undercover as a homeless guy?"

Kensi made a face. "Yes. You were way too method."

"What about when we almost got electrocuted by the tesla coil? You told me to pee or perish."

"Yeah, you never had trouble peeing any time other than that."

Deeks nodded in agreement. "You have a point there. We had a lot of good times to go along with the bad. Fuzzy handcuffs?"

"Dog trainer."

"Smoking hot tattooed chick in an extremely short dress."

"Dorky train guy with glasses."

Deeks propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Kensi. "Really? I give you hot chick and you give me dork?"

Kensi faked a frown. "Okay, you're right. Remember when you were the hot lawyer in the suit?"

"That's every day, baybaaay."

"Ha ha. It's kind of hard to believe that's what you are now. A lawyer. Marty Deeks, Esquire."

He shrugged his shoulders up to his ears. "Is that such a bad thing?"

"No. Not bad at all. I'm happy for you. It's not often you get to start over."

"Yeah. Hey Kensi?" Deeks rolled onto his side, looking at her seriously.

"Yeah?"

"What if we did that? Fresh start, just a guy and a girl, hanging out."

She furrowed her brow and sat up, brushing the sand off of her hands. "I don't know…"

Deeks sat up too, brushing off his hands and arms. He extended his right hand out to her. "Hi. I'm Marty."

Kensi raised an eyebrow and shook his hand. "You're Marty? Okay, hi Marty, I'm Kensi."

"Kensi, that's an interesting name. Is it short for something, like Mackensie? Kensington? Kensalina?"

She chuckled. "Just Kensi. What about you Marty? Surely that's not your given name."

Deeks licked lips. "Martin. But I prefer Marty."

"Okay. Marty it is. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Just Kensi. Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?" He grinned cheekily.

"Wow, you're pretty straightforward," Kensi joked. "But yes I will. I'll even let you drive."

"It's a date." He reached out and grasped her hands in his. "We're going to do it the right way this time. Okay?"

She blinked her eyes quickly and squeezed his hands. "Okay. We're going to do it right."

Deeks let go of her hands and caressed one of her cheeks with his hand. "One more memory first."

"What's that?"

He smiled as he rubbed his cheek with her hand. "Remember the time I kissed you on the beach?"

She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "Nope. Pretty sure I've never been kissed by a guy named Marty on the beach."

He leaned in, gently kissing her as she draped her arms over his shoulders to pull him closer. The sensation was comfortably familiar but new and exciting at the same time. As he pulled away, he rested his forehead on hers and exhaled. "There's a first time for everything."

* * *

**Los Angeles, December 2014**

Deeks closed the file of his most recent case and looked at his watch. Kensi was late. His office's Christmas party was tonight and he was nervously excited about introducing her to all of his co-workers, especially his boss. He knew a ballbuster like Evelyn would appreciate a strong woman like Kensi.

The door to his office opened and Kensi peered in, sighing in relief. "Oh good, you're still here, I thought I was going to have to meet you there. Sorry I'm late." She stepped in and Deeks' jaw dropped. She was dressed in a strapless black dress with red pumps, dangly silver earrings, and her hair was down and wavy.

"Wow," Deeks said, whistling at Kensi as she walked into his office. "You have got to be the hottest school teacher in the entire state of California. And that's saying something, you've never met my tenth grade Spanish teacher, Ms. Santos."

Kensi smiled and rolled her eyes at him. "Thank you. School teacher? That's what you told all your co-workers I do for a living?"

He shrugged apologetically. "Like I said, you've never met Ms. Santos." He straightened up a few files on his desk before standing up and walking over to her, running his fingers down her arm appreciatively. "You look amazing. I'm going to be the envy of everybody tonight."

"You're not too bad yourself, Counselor." Kensi kissed him briefly on his cheek before placing a manila folder on his desk. "We should go, the party started thirty minutes ago."

Deeks eyed the new folder on his desk suspicously. "Uh, what's that?"

Kensi shrugged innocently. "I don't know. Temp said you left it in your desk when you left."

"Temp? Luke Templeton is your new Liaison Officer?" He made a disgusted face. "Y'all wait this long and go with _that_ guy?"

"Hetty liked him the best. Plus, it's fun calling him Temp. Sam has been making his life a living hell, but he can handle it." She tugged at his tie playfully. "He's been good. I promise."

"All I care about is that he has your back." Deeks opened the folder and smirked. "And don't even act like you don't know what this is, Kens." He pulled open one of his drawers and placed his old NCIS application in it. "But thanks for returning it to me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Marty." Kensi ran a finger across his desk and turned around, sliding into a sitting position on top of it and giving him a seductive look.

He narrowed his eyes as he approached her, sliding himself in between her legs. "Whatcha doin?"

Grabbing his tie roughly, she pulled him close, nibbling on his ear. "We're already late for the party…"

"You don't have to tell me twice," Deeks said, leaning her back on his desk and kissing her. As soon as he climbed on top of her, they heard a crack. One of the legs of the desk broke and they both slid onto the floor. "Damn particleboard," he muttered. "I wanted to cross that off my bucket list."

Groaning, Kensi tried to push him off of her. "Oh well, it was worth a try. We should probably just go to the party."

"No no no," Deeks shook his head and wrapped his arms around her. "We still have all the time in the world."


End file.
